by Lorrel Esterbrook, Cohort 3
The last year has been full of change. At the end of August 2025, after working for the same non-profit for just over a decade my entire department was acquired by a for-profit organization. Before we had fully settled into our new organization we received word that changes to funding and the changing landscape of early childhood in our state would mean staffing changes and changes to our scope of work. Hard decisions had to be made, harder realities faced. Emotions swelled, opinions were expressed, and conversations had to be had.
It has been difficult to stay centered and calm. During this time I am reflecting on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
- Be impeccable with your words. Speak with integrity, say what you mean, and use your words to build trust, respect, and understanding.
- Don’t take anything personally. Remember that others’ words and actions reflect their experiences, not your worth. Focus on the issue rather than personal reactions.
- Don’t make assumptions. Seek understanding by asking questions and staying curious about others’ perspectives instead of jumping to conclusions. Additionally, do not assume that others have the same information that you have.
- Always do your best. Approach conversations with sincerity, preparation, and effort, knowing that your best may vary depending on the situation.
To say I am reflecting, does not mean that I am always successful. I have not always been impeccable with my words. It’s hard to not take things personally when your work is being challenged. I’ve made a lot of assumptions, especially in regards to the information that others have. And some mornings I don’t want to do my best, there are days I am tired and want to sulk. But the Four Agreements are an aspiration, not a destination. Some days I need to choose to focus on one rather than the others. Today is an opportunity to try again.
Trying again, though, isn’t just a mindset, it’s a set of moves. The Four Agreements tell me who I want to be in these conversations. But knowing who I want to be doesn’t automatically tell me what to say when I’m sitting across from someone whose job, or mine, is on the line. That’s where having an actual structure helps. As a professional development coach, this is exactly the gap I hear from directors and teachers too…
Navigating Difficult Conversations
As a professional development coach I am hearing more from directors and teachers that they don’t know how to have difficult conversations with other adults. That includes parents, co-workers, supervisors or supervisees. In response to this our team developed a two-hour training around Difficult Conversations. During this interactive training we break down three basic steps. Prepare, Be Aware and Take Care.
Prepare
- What do you have control over? What is out of your control?
- What are your hot buttons that might be triggered during this conversation? How will you address your own thoughts and feelings?
- When is the right time and place to have this conversation?
- Who needs to be there? Who should not be there?
Be Aware
At the center of the training are the compass points for guiding your awareness during Difficult Conversations:
- North (Needs): What does each person need? What do you need out of the conversation? What does the other person need? Are there other impacted parties (children, staff) who have needs that will be impacted by this conversation?
- East (Emotions): What emotions are at play? What are your emotions? What might the other person feel during this conversation?
- South (Strategies): What communication strategies will help? Are there cultural or linguistic needs? Are there considerations that need to be made about neurodiversity or trauma informed care?
- West (Willingness): How open are people to resolution? Where can common ground be found?
Take Care
- When conversations become heated it is often in everyone’s best interest to take a break and come back to the topic later. Remember, it can take up to 24-48 hours for stress hormones to be flushed from the body so this might need to be more than a short break.
- What follow up needs to happen for your own mental well-being?
- Does the other person need additional support or check-ins?
- How can you rebuild or strengthen this relationship if it has been strained?
If you would like to book a training on Difficult Conversations for your team, please reach out to lesterbrook@coloradospark.net We have both virtual and in person options available.